marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
