census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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