Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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