no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
