He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
