You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
