how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
