Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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