I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
