i think my mom watched the whole time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
