oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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