There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
