i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
