I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
