So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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