3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
