so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
