Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
