dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
