a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
