so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
