So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
