Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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