Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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