3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it because I queefed?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize