i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
