yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
