I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
