I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
