I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
