what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
