Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
