Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
