Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
