i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
