Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
send nudes
from the living room?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
