I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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