I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
