I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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