you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
