why didn't you poke me back
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
