We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
