just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
