chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
