If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
