im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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