he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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