Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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