i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
