even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
