I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
