so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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