i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
