but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
