I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
