You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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