Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
