Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize