look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
