Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
