i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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