Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
