I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
