so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
