Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
