I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize