shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
