Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
