my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
