everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
