He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
