Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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