twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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