Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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