yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
