It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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