They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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