I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
