I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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