Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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