Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
