my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A+ Viking dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
