if you like me you must not know who I am
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
