It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize