i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
