I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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