is your mom at the bar?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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