A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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