I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
