Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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