Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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