go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
