check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize