Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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