i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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