I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
