Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
