what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
