i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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