My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
