P.S. I can't hear my feet
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
