Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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