I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
