She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
