Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
